I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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