If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
