I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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