Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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