my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
