What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
