i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I think I just sharted jello shots
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
