sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
