I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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