When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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