What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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