thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
