I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
