I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
