I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
