i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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