Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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