Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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