two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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