I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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