Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
