I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
