I wish i was in the wii world.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
