the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
