we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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