What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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