dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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