why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
