Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
