i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
