I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
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I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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