Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
