How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
