just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
