Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
