and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
