I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
