i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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