So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
