Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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