I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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