the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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