I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
