put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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