is your mom at the bar?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
