i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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