took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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