Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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