Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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