Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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