so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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