Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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