i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
