I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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