I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
