No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
