Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm really busy with my period
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