I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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