Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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