every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
