If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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